I'm devastated Super Mario 3D World doesn't turn me into a cat man IRL

A Nintendo advertisement led me to believe Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury would give me cat ears and a tail. I have been betrayed.

That's the last time I believe a YouTube advertisement.

Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury, the Switch version of an overlooked Wii U gem, is a delightful cat-themed adventure with one fatal flaw.

I can confirm that playing Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury does NOT give me cat ears and a tail — unlike what I was led to believe from a recent ad on YouTube.

As depicted in this 30-second commercial, collecting a Super Bell not only transforms the character into a delightful cat costume-wearing version but also gives the player cat ears and a tail.

Excited by the prospect of becoming a cat man (not the Seymour Skinner variety), I rushed to buy my own copy, only to discover I have once again been deceived by Big Advertising.

Look at this kid and his smug smile. He knows what's up.

Friends, I did not, in fact, gain cat ears or a tail, which I am devastated about.

I do, however, have an increased nap capacity, but this could be due to my constant stress and anxiety at the state of the world as opposed to feline factors.

Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury has sold extremely well so far — how many of those copies sold have resulted in despair over tabby tantrums like mine?

Nintendo even disabled comments on the YouTube video, which has nothing to do with videos aimed at children normally disabling comments, and everything to do with protecting the company from backlash at the lack of real-life cat transformation.

Upon closer inspection, Nintendo has inserted "special effects added" text whenever the cat depictions appear on-screen. This doesn't fit with my desired reality, so I'll choose to ignore it in favour of demanding what I want — damn cat ears and a fluffy tail.

Wait a minute.

When the little lass in the advertisement collects a Double Cherry, cloning Princess Peach in-game, she also duplicates in real life — with no special effects disclaimer.

This can only mean one thing: Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury is capable of cloning humans.

Time for Supper Mario Broth to uncover how this new Mario feature works.